About Me

I got my degree from the School of 'Hard Knocks.'

After surviving child-hood sexual assault, religious trauma, and parental addiction I picked up my first drink at 19 and didn't put back down, minus a few exceptions (bouts of sobriety usually trying to prove to someone I didn't have a problem, pregnancy, etc.) for 16 years.

Since I've been through it, I now believe it's my job to help others who are also going through it.

Most of my sober motivation and inspiration comes in the form of memes on Instagram. But, we all know it's more than that.

You can't just want it. 

You have to do it.

I put my truth and lived experience out there in the hopes that someone else can benefit from knowing that they aren't alone. And that if I can climb out of the chaos, they can too.

You can find my audio courses on the Lived app where, as a guide, I provide you with my lived experience in short, easy-to-follow courses so that you can get there quicker

Let's start with kindness and stop with judgement.

I want others to see that there is a (great) life without alcohol & that if they could break that chain and see the actual lie that alcohol supplies, they too can succeed at extended sobriety.

When we learn to practice an attitude of gratitude instead of sitting in our shame, guilt, self-pity, and resentments our outlook on everything in life becomes brighter, broader, and better.

I'll be offering 1:1 coaching in 2022!

Send me an email to get on the waitlist.

I grew up in a conservative, religious household, I was taught not to drink but watched my parents drink against religious rules. They taught to "Do as I say, not as I do."

I thought that was bogus and couldn't wait to drink.

I got married young and started drinking right away at the age of 19. I would spend the two years of that marriage falling in love with alcohol for allowing me to be outgoing, and also to numb out. I used it to self-medicate and "cope" with my past traumas but soon I would be reliving my history and acting out in crazy ways during drunken, booze filled nights, not realizing that I was suffering with major PTSD, and so, that young marriage didn't last.

After my divorce my drinking amplified. I drank from shame. I drank from guilt, and from not feeling like I was ever good enough. 

I met and married my second husband and hid my actual alcohol intake from him for a long time.

After a few years, I got a note from my little sister explaining that she was worried about me and my drinking ( I guess I wasn't hiding it that well after all) - I went to an impatient rehab for 90 days, graduated, and stayed sober for 2 years. During that time I had my oldest daughter. 

I went back to drinking, because I thought I had been "cured." I figured I'd gone though rehab, therapy, and successfully stayed sober for two years surely I would be able to drink like a "normal" person now.

What I found was that the obsession was back almost immediately. If I wasn't drinking, I was waiting till the next time I could have a drink "without looking like I had a problem."

If someone (usually family) would bring it up, I would quit for a while. You know, to prove to them I was fine.

This went on for years.. and every time I went back to drinking after a period of sobriety (usually 1-4 months) the consequences would come faster and be bigger. 

After I had my second daughter in 2015 my drinking really took a dive. I was suffering from Post Partum Depression and had no idea. After a couple of years, I got so bad that I was dealing with suicidal ideations and having thoughts of throwing myself in front of a car almost daily. My behavior and thoughts landed me in the Behavioral Health Unit for 72 hours, and they began medicating me. I would only stay sober for 4 months after that experience before I would "yet again" believe that I could successfully get it under control and drink better this time, so I relapsed on New Years Eve 2019.

I would end up in the ER two times due to massive hangovers and not being able to keep liquids down and extreme dehydration.

Then COVID hit, and we stocked up on booze for the lockdown. I don't remember the lockdown because I was blacked-out the whole time, and I justified this because everyone else was day-drinking too! This was a pandemic, it was different! But after a 3-day bender the beginning of May 2020, I woke up on the morning of May 6th and had a "realization" what I can best describe as a "click." I was so so sick again, and I was shocked I was back at this place. So I knew I had to be "real" and "honest" with myself, and I finally was. I knew that I could NOT control my drinking. That I would never be able to moderate or drink like a normal person. And so I decided to take my proverbial big-toe out of the drinking pool, and start building a life that I could enjoy alcohol free.  

I knew that sobriety would never work for me if I did't create a life of fun, excitement, adventure, and happiness. So I set out to build a strong foundation for this new way of life.

I began an IOP (intensive outpatient program) where I attended group via zoom 3 hours a night, 3 nights a week, for 4 months. This helped me in so many ways from connecting with other alcoholics, to having assignments that helped provide insight into my disease. I also got a therapist that specialized in substance abuse and began seeing her weekly. She helped me through a lot of the trauma that I had been self-medicating to survive for so many years. I still see her  bi-weekly!

I found a Psychiatrist and got on the right prescriptions for depression, and anxiety and I also got on a once a month craving-blocker shot. (Not having cravings for alcohol was HUGE for my early recovery.) I was also on medicine for sleep and anger. (Today I am completely med free, but having these as I navigated early sobriety was very useful for me.)

I read a lot of quit lit (quitting literature) you can find a list on the resources page. These books really helped me to see the great parts of being sober, and that I would still be able to enjoy my life without alcohol.

Finally, I started a sober Instagram & Facebook page @shaysober to keep me accountable and as a daily reprieve in my pocket. I share there every day and love connecting with my sober instagram community.